Drabbles
by I-am-a-loner
Summary: Stefan/Elena drabbles. NEW! Chapter 4 inspired by the promo of 4x19.
1. Chapter 1

**Sometimes I get hit by some inspiration. And sometimes I write it down, so I decided to collect these flashes here, in case anybody else is interested in reading them. Fair warning - I sometimes don't understand even myself what I am writing lol**

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Every night Elena dreamt about him. And in every dream he ran. When she tried to run too, she couldn't. Her feet were glued to the ground and there was no way to move them. It was pure torture watching him run, further and further away from her. Never looking back, never stopping.

But one night he didn't run. He just stood there, eyes locked with hers as she struggled to move her feet. She didn't succeed. There was distance between them, depth that was so painful, so cruel to her, crushing her soul. She couldn't touch him, couldn't take a step closer. Only look. But looking wasn't enough for her. She yearned to feel his touch on her skin, feel how he crawled under her skin, becoming a part of her bloodstream, pumping continuously through her heart, never leaving her. But he always did, never did he stay and that cut into her like a sharp knife, leaving scars all over her body.

He always ran. He always saw her struggle, but he never stopped, he never looked back, afraid that when he looked, he'd never want to stop. Running was easier, it didn't hurt that much. But every time he ran, there was always this little question in the back of his mind – what if I stayed?

One night he looked, and he couldn't tear his eyes off of her. His biggest fear had come true. His biggest fear and his biggest wish. He saw her. He looked at her as he would look at a marvellous creature – beautiful, fantastic, perfect. In her eyes he saw sadness, longing, even anger. He wished he could take a step closer to her, to touch her skin, hear her heart beating. But he couldn't. His feet were stuck, glued to the ground. And the more he tried to move them, the harder it was for him to look at her. So he just looked, although it wasn't enough. Her eyes were like deep pool, he could drown in them and be happy. Nothing would have made him happier, truth to be told. She held his eyes too, trying to speak to him. There were no words, only silence. And then she ran.

He saw her disappearing into the distance, he wanted to follow her, but he couldn't. It felt like someone had stabbed him over and over again for eternity. Never had he experienced such desperation. She was gone. And he was alone.

Every night Stefan dreamt about her. And in every dream she ran.


	2. Chapter 2

**Inspired by Rihanna's What Now :)**

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She changed my life. Completely and irrevocably. There is nothing I can do to shake her, no matter how hard I try she stays. Every second, every minute, every hour, every day, every week, month, year is filled with thoughts of her. When she isn't here I feel like I am being torn to pieces – slowly, painfully. Sometimes I think what will happen now, but I never can figure it out, and even when I ask somebody, nobody knows. Nobody never knows. There is only me and my thoughts. Nothing else, nothing more.

"Loneliness," she once said, "It will destroy you, Stefan." At that time I felt like she's laughing at me. "Don't let it happen."She made me promise. And I did.

But now I am breaking the promise I gave her. It is eating me alive, and no matter how hard I try to keep the promise, I always fail miserably. There are times when I think that maybe it would be better if I had never met her, but then again, I wouldn't have known what true happiness feels like. It is when your soul plays the most beautiful harmony. It resounds in you every single day. It makes you feel like you could achieve everything you ever wanted in life, like nothing can destroy you.

But it is that happiness that will eventually be the demise of everything that once was good. The harmony will turn into discordance so ugly it makes you want to rip your hair out, one by one. No pain ever can be compared to it. Your soul will turn into something you don't want to have, but it doesn't matter how hard you try to stop it – it will always be tearing you apart from inside. And when you once have succumbed your soul to the discordance, it doesn't count how beautiful the next harmony may be – it could never be compared to the first one you experienced.

"Happiness," she once said, "it is when all the puzzle pieces are put together, but when you take a piece away," she paused for a moment, looking at me, searching for something in my eyes, "it will be like all the lights are turned off, there's nothing but darkness. "But if you search hard enough for the missing piece...then the lights will be turned on again."

I have searched for that missing piece for a long time, but it hides from me. And the more I swear I am happy, the more alone I feel.


	3. Chapter 3

**I realized that I am unable to write about happy things...**

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Damon once said that she's the flood and I am the river.

Both so alike and yet so different. One hasty, the other one calm, one so deadly and destructive and the other smooth, but in times as dangerous as the flood.

But in the end the same – running for something, flowing from a place to another, never stopping to catch a breath, and that's why, in his opinion, we were perfect for each other.

I once told her my brother's theory and she laughed, saying that he is probably right. I asked her if it's bad, afraid of her answer. She looked me in the eye and said that our differences are like magnets – pulling each other closer, never letting go, yet when you flip those magnets, they try to escape each other, never coming together. That is why it's never good to have too much in common. She said that we were the good kind of magnets. The polar opposites. And it was me who laughed then.

Time passed and something changed.

I set her free.

She said that the gravity that held us together, the polar opposites, she couldn't feel it anymore.

She had tears in her eyes when she kissed me goodbye and with that she whispered in my ear – "I will always love you."

I didn't understand. I tried to, but I never could. Why would she let us go? Why give up? And every day when I woke up to the first rays of sun peeking through the curtains I thought of those questions, but I never found the answer.

Every new day that came felt like a stab in the heart, because she wasn't there. The familiar push-and-pull feeling that was always present when she was near, was gone and it felt like a part of me left with her. The better part.

I travelled across the world, saw marvellous sights, tasted strange foods, met amazing people, but wherever I went, whatever I did, it never was enough. It never filled me. It was like I was chasing something, but that something always remained invisible, untouchable.

I returned after a while, feeling empty, hollow.

I knew what I yearned for – a storm – refreshing, destructive, beautiful. I missed the clean smell, the warmth that slowly sneaks into the air after a cool rain. I wanted all of it, but I knew that I would never get it, for it was all gone.

One day the hole in my chest didn't ache so badly anymore. Even the air was cleaner, easier to breathe. I thought I was finally starting to lose my mind, but then there was a small knock on the door.

Her big brown eyes were filled with tears. She opened her mouth to speak, but no noise escaped her lips.

I didn't say a word.

"I tried, Stefan." Her lips trembled as the first tears escaped from her eyes. "I tried so hard, but something always brings me back here, to you." She said.

I kept watching her, paralyzed. She looked up to me expectantly, her face full of fear.

"I was such a fool, thinking that I could live without you. You are my life, Stefan. You're everything I need. I never stopped loving you."

And in that moment I could feel again.


	4. Chapter 4

**Inspired by the 4x19 promo. :)**

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The hem of her dress gently brushes the dance floor as they sway softly from side to side. He can feel her skin burning next to his, branding his soul with a new scar, because he knows that when the song is over she will leave him again, ripping a new hole in his already broken and bleeding heart.

But what he doesn't know is that she is barely keeping it together, she feels like her heart is going to jump out of her chest, her stomach is filled with a fluttering feeling which she isn't supposed to feel. "This is not real." She keeps repeating to herself, trying to convince herself that his eyes aren't digging into her with an indescribable intensity.

No. This is not supposed to happen. She isn't supposed to feel, she doesn't want to go back to the broken doll she once was. She is powerful, smart and cunning, feelings only stop her, and they are vulnerability.

But she can't help but to lean her face closer to his when his hand strengthens its hold around her waist.

She looks straight into his beautiful green eyes and at that moment, that something she has been so hard to bury inside of her starts to claw its way back to the surface. It hits her like a tidal wave, destructive and hard and her breath hitches. He notices it and holds her even tighter, their bodies pressed next to each other.

"Stefan…" she breathes, desperately clinging to him, like he is her life raft, like he could mend the gaping hole that she carries with her.

He doesn't say anything; they go around and around, forgetting everyone else that are on the dance floor with them. Moving in unison, for a second losing themselves into the music, into each other.

For a fleeting moment, he lets himself hope. Hope that maybe he will be able to pull her back from the deep pit that she's fallen into. He can swear that the light in her eyes that has been missing for so long has started to burn again. Not with the intensity that it used to, but a small flickering light shining through her big brown eyes. And for now, that is enough for him.

The song goes on and on, and she lets herself go. She is tired of fighting, everything she doesn't want to feel suddenly starts to make its way through the wall she has been trying so hard to keep intact, the flow gets stronger and stronger and as he is firmly guiding them in circles, she closes her eyes and lets the wall crumble.

She gasps and he squeezes her hand – "Shh… I'm here." He whispers in her ear and his voice immediately soothes the on-going fighting inside her.

"Please…" she whimpers, "Don't let go." She feels like she would die if he left now. And the song they're dancing to, is nearly coming to an end.

"I won't." he promises. "I'll stay." He promises.


End file.
